Sometimes life takes a turn that you didn't expect to take

My life has certainly took a big loop turn these last couple of months.... I was in school doing good, working, taking of my children, homework, housework, dishes, cooking and continuously arguing with my husband over every little thing but that in it self was a daily thing for the both of us. The story of my husband and I is we met the summer of 1996 I got pregnant 6 weeks after we were dating and yes he is a good man he stepped up to his plate married me at 19 and we later had 2 more children. We got married so young and we did it for the reason of our child that she needed both parents. But know i truly believe that that was the wrong reason, that there should have been love there, but for me it was the wrong kind of love and through the years we got carried away into the daily life of rush, taking care of our girls, working, never having time to really just spend time with each other when and if we did, we never truly talked to each other, no communication between the two of us only if it regarded the girls. Then one night I received an email for a dear old friend who was my first love... I was in disbelief about the email. I haven't heard from him in over 9 years... We were always kept apart from each one way or another. As I continued to read the email over and over I didn't know if I should respond or not. But something came over me, a strong feeling that I can not explain.. So I emailed him and waited for him to respond by either email or phone and two days later he called, when I heard his voice all the feelings that I pretended that weren't there came rushing back, Oh how I missed just talking to him, we continued to talk for weeks through email and phone we both were unhappily married and had children. I was very honest with my husband about talking to my friend, at first he was OK then he threaten me to not ever talk to him again. I was hurt there was no way that I physically could stop talking to him, because I knew that my feelings for him were much stronger than I had for my own husband. I met him in a hospital waiting room when I was 13 years old, and we laughed and talked like all 13 year olds do.... We exchanged numbers and the very next day he called, after that we were inseparable, we went to the same school, he would meet me and walk me to all my classes, we went to church together, skating, youth group, the movies, playing in the snow, walks, all things that teenagers do with their first boyfriend. I knew that I loved him at 13 and I love him to this day, I know that sounds crazy saying that when I was only 13. But I truly believe in true love.. and he was my first,and only true love and he will be the last . Then he moved away to Georgia and I moved to Alabama, we still kept in contact with each through letters and phone calls, We even saw each other a couple of times, his grandmother would bring him to visit me and then one time for my birthday my Dad took us to Six Flags....Then when I was 16 he came and visit me without anyone knowing, that was the best week that I had ever had... Just to spend time with him and to look into his eyes and hold his hand was all that I needed.. Then I told my mom that he was in town because he was sleeping in his truck and I was worried about him, she then told my dad, who then informed the air force see both our dad's were in the air force and his dad was stationed in Europe. My dad was able to get him a place to stay on the base for a few days until he had to leave for Europe. Back then I thought that my Dad was keeping us apart to punish me but I know know that he was only trying to help him. Then he went to Europe and my heart was broken, I thought I would never see him again, I loved him so much, I tried to do the normal teenager thing but it was hard and i rebelled against my parents, blaming them for keeping us apart. Then we moved to Conn. and I only heard from him a few times, by letters and a few phone calls. Then one night at midnight there was a knock at the door and there he was. I couldn't believe it, he had flew back to the states and was living in Georgia and drove to Conn. just to see me. I went to him and hugged him, I could only see him for a few short minutes then my Dad took him to the police station and then poof he was gone again out of my life, and my heart ached for months even years, that was the last time I saw him, and I only heard from him once after that, It was when I moved and lived in Maryland he had tried once more to see me and failed, my mother had lied to him and told him I was in another relationship that I was happy and that he needed to move on and leave me alone, my mother lied to him and I was so upset when she told me I left the house and went looking for him and never found him I was so tore up inside, and that summer I met my husband and tried to live a normal life. But he was always on my mind, wondering if he was ok and where he was in his life. I had blamed my parents for years, for keeping us apart. I know now being a parent that they were only trying to protect me but instead they hurt me. Being a mother know and having three daughters of my own i view things differently, My oldest daughter will be 13 in 4 months, I will be there for her, listen to her thoughts and opinions when she falls in love for the first time..and believe her when she says she is in love, because I myself was in love with my true love at the age of 13 and I don't want her to go through the suffering that I went through in my heart and try to hide it from everyone. I will guide her, listen to her and be there for her instead of push her way and try to keep her and her true love away from each other. That is one of my biggest lessons that I have learned recently that true love never dies and it will find you again.I believe in fate, My love found me 9 years later in November of 2009. I decided to go and see him in December, met up with him, spent two weeks with him, just talking, laughing until all hours of the night and just spending time with him... That was when I decided that I am a 30 year old grown woman and I can make my own decisions and yes I know that I will be hurting a lot of people that I don't mean to or want to hurt but I truly believe that I deserve happiness as well as anyone else does here on this earth. I didn't love my husband the way he deserved to be loved. So yes, I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, I decided to separate and divorce my husband because of several reasons, honestly we both haven't been happy in a long time, always fighting in front of our girls blaming each other for our own unhappiness in life. The way that we were living was not fair for the both of us nor our children. Yes I know that others may have a different point of view of us and our marriage, and of me but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, except for us and our children. Yes we might have made a pretty picture of our marriage out in public, but know one wants others to know what is going on in their relationship, so we hide under a pretty picture. So now today I am in Georgia, trying to start a new chapter in my life, yes my husband is an obsessed stalker, and as for my children go they are with him, I would never want to take them away from their daddy, or their friends and their environment they don't deserve that. they deserve to be happy and in a stable home and have both their parents in their lives, parents who don't argue or fight in front of them and scare them. you know what is astonishing in this situation: Children do understand what is going on, my oldest daughter told me when I was visiting her, that she was glad, happy that her dad and I were not in the same house that maybe it would be good to be separated because there is no more fighting or crying and she is no longer scared and knows that she will have both of us in her life. when she told me that I just then realized that this was my daughter telling me this and I didn't realize how much we were hurting her when we fought and argued. And that in it's self made my mind up that my husband and I made the right decision for our children and us. So I have indeed learned a life lesson.. that life will take you in a whrill spin and it might not be what you thought would happen to you but that is life and I have learned to just hold on and trust in God. With him by my side all things are possible and I am never alone.